Tuesday, June 16, 2009

10 Years

Some of you knew him, some of you have heard of him, all of you would have loved him.
Last night as I crawled into bed, I remembered where I was ten years ago. I texted two of my brothers and said, "I wish is was 1998." I can do math, that was 11 years ago. That was when my other brother Jay was here.
Ten years ago today we gave Jay back to his Creator. Many of you know the story well.
I will tell you that there has been a looming gloom in my soul but also, a greater joy knowing I will greet him and our Savior one day.
In the car on Saturday our three year old asked me to keep telling her about her Uncle Jay. (Its painful to write that, I don't think I have ever seen it written. He is very much her Uncle and probably would have been my children's biggest fan.) It has been fun to recount my steps with him to her. All day today I could hear his struggling voice speaking out of the sides of his mouth as if to tell a secret or a joke!
I think of him everyday. There will always be a hole in my heart, someone missing, someone who can never be replaced. This hole is usually bound up but when the wind blows hard enough I can feel literal pain and I feel riped open.
Ten years goes by fast, time heals, memories come and go, dreams are precious. Sometimes I think I can smell him or hear him. This year has been more memorable though, because now I have children who want and need to know their Uncle Jay. I am loving remembering him!

Psalm 147:3

"He heals the brokenhearted
and binds up their wounds."

I am thankful to have a Lord who heals and binds me. I hope you know the comfort of letting the Heavenly Father bind you up!

1 comment:

  1. wow clare... 10 years? it seems like not that long ago! he was a special guy! your kids will be touched by the stories you have to share of him!